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  #1  
Old 11th March 2018, 03:33 PM
ltd-jean-pull ltd-jean-pull is offline
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My crystal ball is broken.

"Hi cousin. It says we are third cousins on FtDNA. Where are you?"

So I respond that I manage a few kits, and ask for the name on their kit, and who is it that they match.

They reply asking whether I'm in Ireland or USA (not that I have any clue where they're from)

So I ask again for the name of the person they match. They give me the name and kit number. It appears to be a Gedmatch Genesis number. They say that their kit is under their name...e.g. David Smith.

So I log in to Gedmatch Genesis, go to the match list and there appears to be one David Smith. So I reply, cut and paste David Smith's kit number into the e-mail (the e-mail address isn't the same, but hey....) and suggest that in future when they e-mail people it would be useful to say who they're matching, which database it is, and if it's Gedmatch include the kit numbers.

Latest reply "That's not my kit. I guess that's the wrong David Smith".

Duh!

Wish I had a crystal ball.
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  #2  
Old 11th March 2018, 05:03 PM
ltd-jean-pull ltd-jean-pull is offline
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Still no Gedmatch Genesis kit number from them.

I'd say their success rate with replies from their matches will be low if they don't send useful details until the fifth e-mail.

I wonder who else they've contacted in such a fashion?
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  #3  
Old 11th March 2018, 09:19 PM
Carpathian Carpathian is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ltd-jean-pull View Post
Still no Gedmatch Genesis kit number from them.

I'd say their success rate with replies from their matches will be low if they don't send useful details until the fifth e-mail.

I wonder who else they've contacted in such a fashion?
https://anthrogenica.com/showthread....-false-matches

Reading the tea leaves of DNA matches is hard enough. Crystal balls require more belief in them. Maybe Quija boards will be next.
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  #4  
Old 11th March 2018, 09:34 PM
dna dna is offline
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Occasionally something similar also happens to me. An enthusiastic e-mail that does not state to whom (luckily I can read the To: field in the e-mail...) and it is not signed. I had never received a meaningful reply to my response letter asking for a clarification.

Also every couple of months, one of my family kits receives a letter from a (very) distant match at FTDNA. I am then spending time researching feasibility of the link, gathering historical facts about migration patterns, etc. and finally sending a nice summary. And those distant matches never write back. Not even with a surprise (e.g. I did not expect that our connection must be from the 18th century or earlier) or a thank you.

I had nice collaborations with not so distant FF and mtDNA matches, but never on distant Y DNA (Y-DNA12, Y-DNA25), FF or mtDNA.


Mr. W.
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  #5  
Old 11th March 2018, 11:07 PM
loobster loobster is offline
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I manage a bunch of kits, and have gotten several of the "Hi! FTDNA says we are a close match" [and/or 2nd cousins] - sometimes with no real info, sometimes with family surnames and locations or etc. - and I invariably write back and tell them I manage several kits, which one are they talking to/looking at - and I think I have always gotten a reply back - tho sometimes it has taken multiple rounds for them to actually get me the correct answer.
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  #6  
Old 12th March 2018, 07:48 AM
Miamio Miamio is offline
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Not everyone wants to know you

After a year of trying,I no longer am contacting matches,whom I know are at least third to fourth cousins and beyond.To me itís a waste of time and energy. Itís like meeting someone new at a bar.Polite conversation and a brief social bond.Unless the other party is desperately searching for family,
they really donít want to know you.They have enough with their own relatives that they grew up with(LOL).One Match who was very interested,turned out to be very religious.Probably after seeing my FB Page,decided not to banter anymore.All we have with these people are shared dna.We are strangers.I would much rather use my time and energy
with friends of my choosing,without familial pressure. After reading on these forums of these surprising reunions ,they are not the norm.Having a
common ancestor from 100 years ago,doesnít cut it for me. I a, not flying across the country to meet them either.This is my personal feeling.
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  #7  
Old 12th March 2018, 08:15 AM
Jim Barrett Jim Barrett is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ltd-jean-pull View Post
So I ask again for the name of the person they match. They give me the name and kit number. It appears to be a Gedmatch Genesis number. They say that their kit is under their name...e.g. David Smith.Wish I had a crystal ball.
What is the number you were given?
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  #8  
Old 12th March 2018, 01:33 PM
ltd-jean-pull ltd-jean-pull is offline
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They gave Gedmatch Genesis number for a kit I manage. I don't know their kit number yet.
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  #9  
Old 12th March 2018, 09:30 PM
Carpathian Carpathian is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miamio View Post
After a year of trying,I no longer am contacting matches,whom I know are at least third to fourth cousins and beyond.To me itís a waste of time and energy. Itís like meeting someone new at a bar.Polite conversation and a brief social bond.Unless the other party is desperately searching for family,they really donít want to know you.
In today's world of free and easily available information some people expect everything to be given to them automatically, for free, including anything that is due to their searching. The expectation that you must or should share everything with anyone or everyone, including their being related to you, is a form of exploitation, or familial expectation. Familiarity breeds contempt. We can say yes, no or maybe - depending on the circumstances.
Quote:
They have enough with their own relatives that they grew up with(LOL).One Match who was very interested,turned out to be very religious.Probably after seeing my FB Page,decided not to banter anymore.All we have with these people are shared dna.We are strangers.I would much rather use my time and energywith friends of my choosing,without familial pressure.
Tolstoy wrote "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.Ē Many of us come from unhappy (or difficult) families. We can try to change others, but we can only change ourselves.

Quote:
After reading on these forums of these surprising reunions ,they are not the norm.Having a
common ancestor from 100 years ago,doesnít cut it for me. I a, not flying across the country to meet them either.This is my personal feeling.
If you don't get along with your close family or your known cousins (and I'm not saying this is your fault, as it is probably due to the nature of your family) then you probably won't get along well with your distant DNA relatives either. That is the fault of no one. The apple does not fall far from the tree. It's just the way things are. We must accept that for what it is.

No crystal ball is required.
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  #10  
Old 13th March 2018, 05:00 AM
ltd-jean-pull ltd-jean-pull is offline
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I really don't mind who contacts me. Sometimes if they share segments with known relatives I might be able to give them a region back in Britain where this connection may be from, even if we can't find a connection on paper.

But if they don't tell me who they match, which database nor the name/number of their kit I can't help much as I can't check the matching segments or mutual matches.
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